Baby Anxiety–How to Raise a Resilient and Balanced Bub
At some stage or another, your baby is going to experience separation anxiety. Biologically speaking, and definitely in terms of evolution, this makes sense—as a baby with virtually no defences, the idea of being left by a parent is highly stressful and will result in very real anxiety. The key to raising resilient babies and children is to minimise this anxiety and manage it in a way that shows your baby that you will always come back, and that they will always be safe while you’re away. There are several ways to do this at all stages of the experience–from calming anxiety through baby massage and other comforting techniques, to structuring the experience so that your baby gets used to the idea you’ll never be gone forever. Here is our step by step guide to minimising anxiety and reassuring your baby.
Easing Into It
The best way to minimise the amount of stress your baby experiences when he or she is separated from you is to take it in (pardon the pun) baby steps. Usually, separation anxiety in babies is at its worst at around 12-18 months, which coincides with the age most mothers decide to return to work. If your baby is going to be left with a nanny or someone else they’re unfamiliar with, try to organise a few times where you can be in the presence of this new carer with your child. It is best that your child doesn’t come to automatically equate the new person with you leaving, as this will make it difficult for them to bond. After a few short play-dates with the new carer, try leaving your child for a short period of time–maybe only half an hour–with the new carer. These smaller time periods will show your child that even though Mum leaves, she always comes back.
Support The Process
It’s so difficult to see your child in distress, and many parents become very distressed themselves, which is not really beneficial to the process. If your baby can see that you are upset by the process, or your guilt leads you to interfere too much, this will only draw the process out longer. For example, if you are leaving your child with a nanny, saying goodbye in the morning should be a happy, swift and calm situation. Once you’ve left the room, stay out of sight, and leave the house quickly. While this is always difficult if your child is upset, it is the quickest way to let the nanny do his or her job and soothe your baby themselves. The quicker your child learns that their carer will also comfort and protect them, the less time they’ll spend anxious. Some parents feel upset at the idea of another person comforting their child, and therefore unwittingly sabotage the situation. It’s important to remember that your baby’s emotional state is the most important thing to worry about, so trust the process and it will become a lot easier!
Help The Carer
Give your baby’s new carer as much information about what calms them down as possible. Books they like, music, food, blankets or activities that usually soothe your child will be an important tool for the new carer to establish trust and comfort. If you use infant massage as a soothing technique, show the new carer how you do it–the familiar touch and routine can help to show your child that they can be safe around this new person as well as Mum and Dad.